My Thoughts to the

Family of  Walter David "Butch" James

This day brings forth my darkest night
and I feel I’ve lost my way,

Because I’ve lost my guiding light,
 my lifetime companion today.

Today will close this chapter of my life
as now I’m a widow . . . no longer a wife.

Life here on earth comes without guarantee,
 this life now has ended, no longer are “we”.

God is so merciful and loving to all,
 providing us life . . . until his call.

We know not when our timeline will cease,
or journey to heaven to live there in peace.

Death brings such grief to those left behind,
 we’ll have days we feel out of our mind.

Sadness abounds and our hearts scream with pain,
 but we know deep down, we will see him again.

In God’s wisdom and mercy, for He’s in control,
and knew the exact time he’d call for this soul,

He feels our pain . . . broken spirit . . . crushed heart,
 as this soul, from this earthly world departs.

This is the circle of life we often times say,
 and we barely manage to get through this day.

Our pillows are stained with sad tears that flow,
we feel there is nothing left in our life now to show.

God knew well all the sorrow and heartache
 that would occur when this soul he would take,

He provided us with a special ability,
and this he called “personal memory”.

Throughout our lives there are those special times
 when we take pictures, storing them in our minds.

They are still there . . . of laughter and leisure,
 to be relived again and this at your pleasure.

We can look back on the good times in life,
 when we were together as husband and wife,

It is not quite the same as it was back then,
but it gives some relief to live over again.

We remember the good times; it helps us move on,
striving so  hard to meet each new dawn.

But life must go on as we struggle each day,
we know this is life and we must make our way.

If he could speak, he would tell you today:

“Don’t let my parting darken your way.

I say to you further your life must go on,

And soon you’ll be able to greet each new day.

I know I am not with you while you continue your life,

But I know God will help you  to get through this strife.

Place our memories in a special corner of your heart,

And if need be, review them on each new day’s start.

To all my children/grandchildren whom I love very much,

Review all of your memories . .  they’ll keep us “in touch”.

Memories are there for a reason you know,

They help you through life when a loved one must go.

I’ll miss many milestones yet to come in your life,

But just keep me in mind  on those special nights.

Life sets no guarantee  when a soul shall depart,

But know you’ll always be there,  so close in my heart.

Now as I leave you on earth to continue your time,

Please understand that I will be fine.

The future is yours now . . . please live it right,

And we’ll see each other  in His beautiful light.

Though it seems my death  came without reason or rhyme,

Please understand fully  . . . this is my time.

Don’t let this world sway you away,

‘Cause I look forward to seeing  you in heaven some day.

And now in parting, I speak to you all,

Be strong in the faith and wait for your call.

Let your tears flow but just for today,

For this is my time and this is His way.”

 For the Butch James Family

on his departure from this world

By: Ruth Miller - © January 15, 2012

This was written to a very close friend and a fine Christian gentleman who recently passed from this world to the next.  It is so sad to lose a friend, but we all know and understand that this is going to happen to all of us at some point in our life.  I wrote this for the family to help to encourage them  as they are now in the group known as  "those left behind" and hope life will get a little easier as time marches on.  This has left all of those who knew him with a void in our lives, but as noted in the writing, he would be the first one to say we must continue on with our lives and follow God's word so we can see him again some day when our life has reached the end of our earthly timeline.  Yes, Butch, we will all miss you!

Sadness of Heart

Life in general is pretty good to us for the most part.  We laugh and enjoy friendships, time spent sharing with each other, working together, loving each other and helping each other.  But mingled with the joys and laughter of life are the times of sadness and sorrow.  We grieve over the loss of a loved one, but deep down, we know that this is truly the “circle of life.”  There are times when death may come prematurely (to our thinking) but for everyone on this planet, we are born, we live and we die.  Death is generally not a topic we dwell on or think about very much . . . we all assume we will live a full life and give little thought to death when in our younger years; it is as if we feel we will cheat death until we are older, that we are immune to such travesty.  We mostly think the idea of death is merely an “end of life” occurrence for the older generation.

            In the beginning, God created man.  He breathed into man the breath of life.  He made man in his likeness in that he gave man a soul.  This soul is the part of us that will never die; this is the spiritual part of our body, the soul.  All the rest of our physical body will die, decay and return to dust. 

            When we are born, we are loved, well fed and taken care of completely.  We are taught the ways of life, physical, mental and spiritual.  We grow to maturity and live life, raising families and enjoying the beauties of this world God has made for us.  We do not dwell on death, but death comes in all forms.  With some who have a lengthy or terminal illness, we may expect death, but some deaths come suddenly and when this occurs, it puts us in a state of shock.

            It has been said that parents should never have to bury their children and while this may be an old truism or cliché, this does occur.  There are so many children that meet their death early and it places a tremendous load of stress and sorrow on those left behind.  We know not why this occurs.  Perhaps this was just their time according to God’s time line.  He can see the future and only God knows what is best for everyone, whether we agree with this or not. Some people get mad at God; they blame God and ask why or how He could allow such to happen.  When such an event occurs, people are so stressed they say things in the heat of the moment.  Perhaps they are looking for someone to blame in their time of grief or are just so distraught and angry that they are not capable of thinking straight.  But even when a baby or a young child dies, joy can be found.  Yes, it is so disheartening to lose a young child who has never had the chance to grow up, mature, be an asset to the family and to society, love, have a family and grow old to see their grandchildren and know that this child they have raised will do well.  But there are two sides to every coin and the flip side of this, although extremely hard to understand at the time, is that this baby or this child, while taken from earth early,  regardless of the circumstances, is now in the arms of a loving Father in heaven.  This is where the joy comes . . . that is when the parents have had time to stop and reflect on life and realize that they can rest assured that their child is in heaven.  The Father said we should be like little children who are sinless . . . these shall inherit the Kingdom.  When you actually stop and think about this, how many parents can actually say without a doubt that they know they have a child in heaven?   This is the joy in death.

            In like manner, we grow and become mature individuals through the guidance of our parents.  When we reach the age of accountability, it is then up to us to live a life appropriate to God’s word.  There are many people who think we are put here on this earth to live a life full of fun and frivolity . . .  the example they have set with their life has no purpose or value . . . their idea of life is that it is theirs to do with what they want and no one should interfere with their lifestyle.  This type of life generally ends up with an early demise whether it be from a life of drugs, alcohol, fast living or other untoward actions that cause one’s health to deteriorate to the point of death.  In such cases, there is no joy in death.  This individual has taken his part of time on earth and squandered it; he has only lived a life for his own personal gain, pleasure and desire.   He has probably never given thought to God or His word . . . until it was too late.  These people tend to think about God when they know they are dying and by that time, there is no hope for that individual.  His time has come and there is no longer any time remaining for repentance or a change in his life.  He will have to meet his God in the Day of Judgment with fear and trembling.  There is no joy in this death. 

            We also are aware of those individuals on this earth that somehow cannot deal with the life they are living, for whatever the reason.           They do not have a strong faith in God for such to even be considered.  God says He will take care of His children and those who follow His words and do His will are taken care of.  This does not mean they live in a million dollar house, drive expensive vehicles and live a life of the rich and famous; this simply means they have the necessities they need in life to live a normal and happy life while on this earth.   When you really think in depth about life here on earth, it is not for us but for God.  He created us, He put us here, He wants us all to go to heaven and He even gave His only begotten son to suffer a death no man should ever have to endure, so that we might live with Him in Heaven when our life here has ceased.  He paid the price for all of us.  His promise to us is that if we follow His word, we will have everlasting life with Him in heaven, and God ALWAYS keeps His promises.  But we have to keep up our end of the bargain too!  While in the case of a person taking his own life, I do realize there are always extenuating circumstances in such cases, but it is not the individual’s right to take his own life.   I realize there are times when things can get so hard that you don’t know which way to turn, but prayer is a very powerful tool and we need to pray to God each and every day, not just in time of need.  We need to pray in thanksgiving, for guidance in our life and especially when things seem to be in a downward spiral.  Suicide is the easy way out.  The individual who commits suicide is taking only his personal problems into consideration when this occurs.  There is no consideration of what he is doing to all those left behind.  There is a trail of sorrow and grief from family, relatives, friends, co-workers, teachers and others who have played a role in that person’s life.  There are questions about why he chose to end life . . . we ask ourselves, “Why did I not see this coming? . . . What, if anything, could I have done to prevent this?” . . . and the list could go on and on.   There is a tremendous amount of guilt placed on everyone who knew this individual; for years it puts an undue burden on everyone unnecessarily.  There is no joy in death here.

            Vehicle accidents occur with no rhyme or reason and results too frequently in an untimely death of a friend, relative or loved one.  So many of these “accidents” could have been prevented, especially when carelessness and fun overrule common sense and rationality.  People get carried away in their own pleasures, as in the case of drinking or partying with the involvement of drugs.  They give no thought to the lives they may be taking or maiming when driving in such a condition.  They are acting with an altered state of mind; they think they can do anything . . . especially driving . . . when they no longer have  the competency with which to deal with issues involved in  safe management of any type vehicle.  They care not about the consequences inflicted upon others as a result of their carelessness and recklessness.  So many times there are children, as well as adult lives, which are taken in such mishaps, causing strife and distress on others when this did not have to occur.  We are all so saddened for those who die under such circumstances, for those lives that were cut off immediately without warning, for those who never had the chance to fulfill their dreams, finish a career goal, love or have families.  There is such sadness in these tragic happenings when life is needlessly ended.   

            There are other incidents that occur in life as a result of numerous situations and circumstances.  Our firefighters and law officers are always putting their lives in jeopardy to save us . . . their lives are always on the line for others.  It is so disheartening when a policeman responds to a call for help and while performing his sworn duty, gets shot to death by some crack head high on dope, some gangbanger who is filled with hatred, or someone looking to gain favor or elevation by his peers for his misdeed.  So many of our firefighters, when helping others to escape, lose their lives when burning timber or other heavy debris hits them in a way that they are caught in the fire themselves.  This is especially painful to the family of the deceased when investigation reveals it was an arson fire . . . set by someone who thrills in the joy of seeing things burn . . . and by someone who has no concern over those who may die as a result of their “joy ride”.   This is such a sad commentary on humanity.  Our military personnel take on the job of protecting us so that we can remain living in a land where freedom of all forms is available day in and day out.  They know that their job may require the ultimate sacrifice at some point in time but they take on the job and do it extremely well.  They know they may never return to their home but the idea that they are keeping it free for their family, friends and others, makes their sacrifice seem worthy to them.  They too are dedicated to humanity’s survival.

            Life is taken in so many other ways, even simply in the natural death of an individual.  There are so many diseases and terminal illnesses that bring on death to the young and old alike.    Death is no respecter of persons; it stalks the earth for its prey as if it knows when this will occur.  Even though we may have a loved one that has lived a full life, when their time comes to depart this world, we are still shocked, saddened and distressed.  Death is a sad time for all of us . . . and no one will escape death.  In the case of a person who has suffered for a lengthy time frame and we know death is eminent; we are still shaken when death occurs.  We think we are prepared but all preparedness seems to go out the window when sadness and grief overcome us.  This is a natural response to the loss of any individual with whom we have had close ties.  We find ourselves going through the standard protocols relative to death and struggling to get through this time frame.  Yes, parting is such sad sorrow.

            Life seems to toss us to the wind at times such as this.  We find it difficult to keep our emotions under control.  We struggle with the thought that we will never see that person come through the door of our home again and our eyes swell with tears that threaten to spill over.  We know that we will be missing a place-setting at the table.  We know that we will no longer have the sharing of holidays throughout the year.  Sharing of conversation will be a thing of the past.  Laughter at each other’s jokes will no longer take place.  There will be no more smiles or special touching. You will no longer see the silly glimpse of a smile that tells you all is well with the world and both of you.  There will no longer be that someone sitting beside you when you go to church, a concert, ballgame, ballet or movie.  There will no longer be someone to open the doors ahead of you or walk on the outside of the street to protect you.  You will no longer have prayers together. And probably worst of all, you will no longer hear this individual say to you, “It will okay; I love you and we will get through this together” when things seem to be taking a downward spiral in your life.  Yes, life will be fraught without all these little things in life that bring joy to us all, the things money can’t buy but which make life such a pleasure day in and day out.

            My mother used to tell me “life is not always a bowl of peaches and cream” and this has been borne out so many times in my own personal life.  It is not easy to lose someone regardless of the manner in which they died.  But I have learned over the years that life and death are part of our world.  We cannot prevent death but we can learn to go on living our life.  It is never easy and it takes a long time to overcome such loss.  This is the norm for humanity . . . grief and tears are both a natural catharsis and help in closure for everyone.  Granted it takes varying times to overcome this as every individual is made up of a different character; people grieve differently and it just takes some longer than others to come to real grips with life without a loved one.  Nevertheless, sadly, there are also those who never seem to be able to get on with life.   Please understand when I say “coming to grips with life”, I do not mean forgetting the deceased; I mean that a person has managed to overcome his sorrow and pain and is trying to get on with life in general; no one can put a deceased person out of their life, nor should they.  There will always be those times and situations where memories of good times involving the deceased will come into play.  This simply means that you have come to a reality that this person is no longer here and that you can now handle memories or talking about this person on a higher level than you could have done so previously.  It is a difficult thing to do when losing someone, but this is also something we have to strive to do, mainly for our own self-preservation, if nothing else.  The departed one would, if he could, tell you to remember them always in your heart, but their love would further tell you that you have to go on with your remaining life as well. 

            God has blessed us with such a wonderful function called “memory.”  He knew all too well how sad our hearts would be with losing a loved one and that life would be dreary with such loss.  Perhaps He gave us memory to help us better be able to get on with life after a death.  He allows us to relive the good times with this person in that we can pull scenes from our memories for years and years to come.  We can share in these over and over again and help to stem the flow of tears.  We have pictures from times past that we can view over and over again.  These memories can flood the soul and soften the core of sorrow; it will help make life a little easier when our day is dark and dreary.  We also have the ever so powerful tool of prayer . . . we can go to God when in sadness and ask him to help us get through this time so that you can feel life is worth living.  We have no control over death but we can take control of our lives.  We can again enjoy friendships, outings, doing things we once used to love to do.  No, we will never forget those gone ahead of us, but we can eventually learn to live with such loss.  It takes a lot of “tincture of time” but it is possible.  Our loved one departed would be the first one to say to us, “Do not let my parting alter the rest of your life as this was just my time and this was His way.”

Written by Ruth Miller

©December 27, 2011