General

Oh yes, I was so excited about our 50th anniversary party and my book that I failed to say my book is titled "Compassionately Spoken" and can be obtained by ordering from my website which can be accessed by going to:
www.painttheworldwithwords.com.  You can click on the link on the home page and order it direct.  Check it out.  I think you will like it.

I have been so busy with getting my mother-in-law finally settled into a home, getting my book released and now the surprise anniversary party that I had forgotten to order my usual Christmas cards to send to everyone.  So.... we both wish all my followers and vieewers, wherever you are, whether you celebrate Christmas or not . . . we wish you a great holiday season and wish for you that the New Year of 2013 be prosperous for all of us. 

Ruth and Leon Miller

General

I am so blessed as my book was published on December 1 as well as our 50th wedding anniversary!  What an accomplishment!. Our two children gave us a surprise luncheon at one of the local country clubs with about 70 people present for our golden anniversary.  How this was kept a secret for so long I will never know . . . and how it was kept a secret from me was another unbelievaable thing as I always find out, but not this time. We also renewed our vows and it was awesome!  I will be looking back on these wonderful memories for many years to come!  Below is a picture of Leon and me as well as our minister who "re-married" us!  We exchanged new rings as well.  I an so blessed to have the husband I do and the son and daughter we do!

The picture below is us at the country club after the guys (Leon and Mark) had secretely changed into tuxedos . . .



This is Leon, me and our minister who "re-married" us for another 50 years . . .

My son, Mark, escorting me "down the aisle" . . .

 

 

Exchanging our vows for another 50 years . . .

Mark, Leon, me and DeeAnn at the "honoree's" table . . .

I jsut want to share with all of you who read my blog this wonderful event . . . oh yes, my husband knew this was being planned since March but it was his job to see that I didn't find out.  This is probably the first time I have seen the markers but just did not have all the information to "connect the dots", so it was probably the most wonderful surprise of my life and after I got my wits about myself, I loved every minute of it.

Enjoy life to the fullest as it only comes around once!

WHOOPEE AND DOUBLE WHOOPEE!!  I finally finished my galley proofs on my upcoming book and submitted them to my publisher.  What a load off my mind!  Relief can come in so many forms at any given time . . .  I think when I finished I was in a euphoric state at 4 a.m. but I was also very pleasantly tired.  I am surprised I did not wake up the world with my loudly spoken YEAH!!!  Now I can start this cycle all over again with my other three books which I hope to get published within the next two years . . .  and yes, I know that is a tremendous goal to set for me but I definitely feel up to the challenge, even at my age.  Ha! Ha!

This is the first week of virtually no care giving responsibility since we placed my mother-in-law in a home late last week, closing a chapter in our life after 27 years of total care giving first to my Aunt June and then eight years with my mother-in-law.  I look back and wonder during the 4-5 years I had both of them how I actually managed to do all I did!  It has been a challenge but it also has been a very rewarding learning experience (view my "Tribute to Aunt June" and "The Ravaged Mind" here on my blog if you want to see what I am referring to).  We got the last thing needed for my mother-in-law today (bed rails) and took them over and visited for a while.  She was actually sitting in her new rocker for the first time since we delivered it nearly a week ago!  I think she finally realized it was hers so she tried it out and liked it!!  Then she said to me, "well I must gonna be here for a while with a new rocking chair!" I didn't say anything and we went on to something else.

My website is up and running so feel free to check it out and become a follower if you want.  If you have any comments pro or con, go to the  "contact me" page and send me an email!  I am open to any and all suggestions.  This can be accessed at www.painttheworldwithwords.com so check it out!

I think now I will begin to see retirement in a different light . . . first because  I can help Leon out in the yard with our yard projects, whereas before I had to come in and check on my mother-in-law every five minutes and you just can't get anything done under those circumstances.  Also, we will be free to go out now and then and perhaps enjoy dinner with friends.  We might even get away for a weekend or two.  Fancy that!! We might even take in a movie or two which we have not done in ages!  We can go shopping together, go to church together and just be together for no reason at all.  Now that sounds soooooooooooooooo great!  Yes, life has given us some wild curves here and there but this is the best one . . . sharing just with each other.  Wow!  Will I really know how to handle this?  I supposed I will get used to it.  

Have a great rest of the week everyone . . . enjoy every day one day at a time, and to the fullest.  We are not guaranteed tomorrow.  Love to all of you!!!!

Ruth Miller

UPDATE [9/14/12]

As for my upcoming book . . . I have received the galley proofs but it has taken me much longer than I ever imagined to get these completed and returned to the publisher in view of the current situation which we have been  involved with my mother-in-law recently (see previous post).

I am hoping to get these proofs completed and submitted within the next week so at least my book could reach the market by the middle or end of November.  With spending so much time involving family, it has eliminated any extended blocks of quiet time I so desparately need to proof these galley proofs.

Also, I have a new business to market my books for now and in the future . . . it is PWW (Paint the World with Words).  This is a phrase I have used since my senior's English class in high school when I realized I wanted to write, so I figured it was definitely time to make good use of it now that some 50 years has elapsed.

My website is also operational as well and you can access this as follows:  painttheworldwithwords.com   ...   check it out and I hope you will enjoy this.  If you don't, let me know as I am always open to suggestions from others!  This will also give you a little more insight into my upcoming book as well as me, the author!

Again, I want to thank everyone, and especially those who keep coming back to check on the newer items . . . writing is just something I love to do, but even this has been put on the back burtner lately until I can  get things to settle down to normal . . . whatever "normal" is around our house!  If you ever care to leave a comment, please feel free to do so.  Enjoy your life to the fullest . . . it only comes around once!

Ruth Miller

HELLO to everyone!
     I may have retired six or so months ago, but my life has been so busy since then, it is all I can do to keep up.  My 91-1/2 year old mother-in-law (Edith) took another fall in July and has been in the hospital for several weeks only to be discharged to an in-patient rehabilitation center for intensive physical therapy.
     Of course, she fell at a time my husband was out of the state for several days and I had to call the local Fire Department to help, me as I cannot get her up by myself.  It took three strapping fireman about 15 minutes to get her up and when they did, they asked her if she could stand up and she could not, so they carried her to her bedroom and placed her in her chair.
     She is having a lot of difficulty walking and has been told that if she cannot walk, she cannot come home because there is no way either one of us could carry her around our home.  Her arms cannot support pushing herself in a wheelchair and her mentality (she has had Alzheimer's Disease now for about eight years) has deteriorated to the point she cannot understand how to use one of the electric scooters either; she would be running into everything including us!
     It is so sad to see something like this happening to a family member, but we have tried to get her the best possible help for her situation.  She does, however, realize that she cannot come home if she cannot get her strength back in her legs so that she can support herself and and walk unaided with her walker.  And, in fact, she told me several days ago she knew she was not strong enough to walk.
     She does not like the rehabilitation center and wants to get out of there, but we keep telling her that we just can't take her home with us because we have to wait for her doctor to discharge her.  She keeps asking when she can go home and we just tell her that her PT should be completed by September 18 and after that, it is up to her doctors to make a decision as to what will be the best for her.
     She has fallen probably 12 times in the past several years and each time she falls, she is left a little weaker.  And every time, this involves going to the hospital for a checkup, several days or weeks in the hospital and then rehabilitation, either in a center or home health care at home for several months.  I think she has fallen more due to her memory being so bad that she forgets she has to use her walker.
     We are about at the point that our level of care for her is not enough to provide a safe environment; her safety and well-being is now becoming the top issue and we are beginning to feel the prudent decision for her would be to place her in a nice home.  Her memory is about a nanosecond long and she fails to realize just how badly she needs to use her walker, so she just walks without it and a fall ensues.
     We have searched out the homes in the area and do have a nice place holding a room for her in their Alzheimer's Unit just in case she can't walk well enough by the time of her discharge date, which has already been extended once, but we have not said anything about this at this time, hoping she will be able to walk.  This ALF (assisted living facility) is closer to our home and is fairly new ... it is really beautiful and reminds me of an old Southern Plantation ... I do not see any reason for her not to like this ALF.  But ... she definitely is NOT fond of anything with the word "home" attached to it and even if we placed her in the Taj Mahal, she would still complain.  My husband and I said to each other after a full tour of this facility that we would be happy to stay here if the need arose; it is really a beautiful, well-kept place and the personnel there are very well informed in their responsibilities and have a great attitude.
     We just hope that somewhere in Edith's distraught brain which has been plucked probably full of holes by now from her AD, that somewhere in there is a little portion of normal brain that will allow her to understand that we have given her the best years of our lives to see that she is taken care of, and that this is the best solution to keep her safe.
     We are definitely at the crossroads with her care but will continue to see that she is taken care of, even if in an ALF.  It is a very difficult decision to make but we know in our hearts that this is the best for her right now, and this decision is made with a total concern, care and love for her well-being.

Ruth and Leon Miller

Update - -

I am finally discharged from my broken leg incident from back in early February and it is SO GOOD to be able to drive again and walk normal again.  And I definitely will not miss waddling like a "pregnant penguin" when I walk.  Life is good!

Also, I signed an agreement with a publisher on May 2 to publish my first volume of personal writings.  This will be a three-part book with poems, articles and a short story.  So you guessed it!  I am most assuredly in the throes of getting everything formatted to their specifications, doing my cover design, my arthur blurb and a short synopsis of the book itself.  I had a "photo shoot" (LOL) yesterday to have a current author picture for the cover . . . I did not think this was necessary but the publisher did, so I complied.  If you just knew how badly I hate to be in front of a camera . . .! 

If all goes well I plan to submit everything as completed by this coming Saturday, May 19!  Then the bulk of my work will be done and the ball will be in the publisher's court.  Yeah!  I will put a link on my blog page when it is put on the market in case any of you want to get a copy.  This will lead to a webpage where you can direct order your own personal copy.  This is a real adventure for me . . . I have never delved into the realm of publishing before so I am literally flying by the seat of my pants here . . . but so far it has been kind of a game for me to be able to keep within my own set time parameters and so far, I am ahead of the game!

April 20, 2011

Hello to all my readers . . .I am now in my small velocity brace only . . . and I found a pair of shoes that I could wear this brace with, so now I am walking level with both legs for a change . . . no  more  waddling now.  Yay!  I have to go for a checkup and x-rays on May 2 and hope they will discharge me, although that might be a stretch.  But I am beginning to feel like I am really close to the end of this broken leg situation.  Have a good weekend to all of you here and beyond the pond!

To all of my viewers . . . I am still slowly recuperating from my "accident" and am now in a "designer orthopedic boot contraption" as I call it.  It has been a very frustrating and exasperating past two months, and that is putting it mildly, with this broken leg but I keep telling myself this too shall pass . . . and it has given me a small insight into the meaning "forever".  Ha! Ha! I still have another week or so to go before my next appointment and although I hope to get out of this boot at that time, I have a feeling I will find myself in it for several more weeks at least.  I will be posting some new items in the very near future so keep checking back!  Here's hoping all of you are enjoying life, family and friends and that you are in good health!  Take care, all of you.


Ruth Miller

March 11, 2012
To all of my followers:


My apologies for not getting new information posted for the past month or so. I took a fall on February 6 and chipped the bone in my big left toe, severely sprained my left ankle, broke the smaller bone in my left leg (the fibula), bruised my knee and bruised the upper left arm . . . as they say, when you do something do it big . . . and I did just that.  I was going into our bathroom for something and my flip flops I was wearing flopped and I flipped, rolling up the small throw rug under my feet as well.  I missed our bathtub by an inch so I am very, very thankful I only had the injuries I did . . . and I am extra thankful (if you can be thankful about a broken leg) that I did not injure or break my hip.  There is always so much to be thankful for in this life!


Needless to say, my recliner and my wheelchair have been my closest friends for the past month as I had to keep my foot elevated during that time frame.  However, all was not lost as I read 16+ books during that timeframe!  It was rather frustrating though and that is putting it mildly! 


My daughter from Arkansas flew in the day after my fall and has been here, returning home on March 14.  She has been a tremendous help but her twin girls, Shelby and Rachel (age 15) are missing their mother, and Jeff, her husband is definitely ready for her to return home.  Although DeeAnn said it was a good experience for the girls . . . they know how to cook and do laundry, but this time they had to keep the house in some semblance of order as well.  And, Jeff was indoctrinated in the art of collecting and delivering Girl Scout cookies!  I bet that was a fun experience for him.  But now they all have a better understanding of what "mama" does during the day too so it was good.  I do not know how we would have managed without DeeAnn all this past month, especially since we are caregivers to my husband's mother, Edith (age 91), who has Alzheimers and who has lived with us going into the eighth year soon.


So you can see, with me being in a wheelchair or recliner, I could not even get to my office computer even if I wanted to.  Besides that, my computer decided to crash the same day I did and my husband had to replace the hard drive.  He just now got it up and running!  So life goes on, tossing us those little curved balls all along the way . . . just makes us stronger and more determined I suspect.


We are now both retired which is good . . . although we have been both so busy we really don't realize that we are supposed to be "retired".  We just keep on keeping on as the saying goes.  I now wonder how we managed to work.  I suspect all the things we were putting off until we retired have now faced us squarely!


I am now in a walking cast and am starting out slowly, but by next week when DeeAnn returns home, I should be able to handle things.  Thanks for being patient and I hope to get some new posts on here soon.  I appreciate all of you out there who check in and view my work.  I love to write and again hope to have something added very soon.


Ruth Miller

My Thoughts to the

Family of  Walter David "Butch" James

This day brings forth my darkest night
and I feel I’ve lost my way,

Because I’ve lost my guiding light,
 my lifetime companion today.

Today will close this chapter of my life
as now I’m a widow . . . no longer a wife.

Life here on earth comes without guarantee,
 this life now has ended, no longer are “we”.

God is so merciful and loving to all,
 providing us life . . . until his call.

We know not when our timeline will cease,
or journey to heaven to live there in peace.

Death brings such grief to those left behind,
 we’ll have days we feel out of our mind.

Sadness abounds and our hearts scream with pain,
 but we know deep down, we will see him again.

In God’s wisdom and mercy, for He’s in control,
and knew the exact time he’d call for this soul,

He feels our pain . . . broken spirit . . . crushed heart,
 as this soul, from this earthly world departs.

This is the circle of life we often times say,
 and we barely manage to get through this day.

Our pillows are stained with sad tears that flow,
we feel there is nothing left in our life now to show.

God knew well all the sorrow and heartache
 that would occur when this soul he would take,

He provided us with a special ability,
and this he called “personal memory”.

Throughout our lives there are those special times
 when we take pictures, storing them in our minds.

They are still there . . . of laughter and leisure,
 to be relived again and this at your pleasure.

We can look back on the good times in life,
 when we were together as husband and wife,

It is not quite the same as it was back then,
but it gives some relief to live over again.

We remember the good times; it helps us move on,
striving so  hard to meet each new dawn.

But life must go on as we struggle each day,
we know this is life and we must make our way.

If he could speak, he would tell you today:

“Don’t let my parting darken your way.

I say to you further your life must go on,

And soon you’ll be able to greet each new day.

I know I am not with you while you continue your life,

But I know God will help you  to get through this strife.

Place our memories in a special corner of your heart,

And if need be, review them on each new day’s start.

To all my children/grandchildren whom I love very much,

Review all of your memories . .  they’ll keep us “in touch”.

Memories are there for a reason you know,

They help you through life when a loved one must go.

I’ll miss many milestones yet to come in your life,

But just keep me in mind  on those special nights.

Life sets no guarantee  when a soul shall depart,

But know you’ll always be there,  so close in my heart.

Now as I leave you on earth to continue your time,

Please understand that I will be fine.

The future is yours now . . . please live it right,

And we’ll see each other  in His beautiful light.

Though it seems my death  came without reason or rhyme,

Please understand fully  . . . this is my time.

Don’t let this world sway you away,

‘Cause I look forward to seeing  you in heaven some day.

And now in parting, I speak to you all,

Be strong in the faith and wait for your call.

Let your tears flow but just for today,

For this is my time and this is His way.”

 For the Butch James Family

on his departure from this world

By: Ruth Miller - © January 15, 2012

This was written to a very close friend and a fine Christian gentleman who recently passed from this world to the next.  It is so sad to lose a friend, but we all know and understand that this is going to happen to all of us at some point in our life.  I wrote this for the family to help to encourage them  as they are now in the group known as  "those left behind" and hope life will get a little easier as time marches on.  This has left all of those who knew him with a void in our lives, but as noted in the writing, he would be the first one to say we must continue on with our lives and follow God's word so we can see him again some day when our life has reached the end of our earthly timeline.  Yes, Butch, we will all miss you!

Sadness of Heart

Life in general is pretty good to us for the most part.  We laugh and enjoy friendships, time spent sharing with each other, working together, loving each other and helping each other.  But mingled with the joys and laughter of life are the times of sadness and sorrow.  We grieve over the loss of a loved one, but deep down, we know that this is truly the “circle of life.”  There are times when death may come prematurely (to our thinking) but for everyone on this planet, we are born, we live and we die.  Death is generally not a topic we dwell on or think about very much . . . we all assume we will live a full life and give little thought to death when in our younger years; it is as if we feel we will cheat death until we are older, that we are immune to such travesty.  We mostly think the idea of death is merely an “end of life” occurrence for the older generation.

            In the beginning, God created man.  He breathed into man the breath of life.  He made man in his likeness in that he gave man a soul.  This soul is the part of us that will never die; this is the spiritual part of our body, the soul.  All the rest of our physical body will die, decay and return to dust. 

            When we are born, we are loved, well fed and taken care of completely.  We are taught the ways of life, physical, mental and spiritual.  We grow to maturity and live life, raising families and enjoying the beauties of this world God has made for us.  We do not dwell on death, but death comes in all forms.  With some who have a lengthy or terminal illness, we may expect death, but some deaths come suddenly and when this occurs, it puts us in a state of shock.

            It has been said that parents should never have to bury their children and while this may be an old truism or cliché, this does occur.  There are so many children that meet their death early and it places a tremendous load of stress and sorrow on those left behind.  We know not why this occurs.  Perhaps this was just their time according to God’s time line.  He can see the future and only God knows what is best for everyone, whether we agree with this or not. Some people get mad at God; they blame God and ask why or how He could allow such to happen.  When such an event occurs, people are so stressed they say things in the heat of the moment.  Perhaps they are looking for someone to blame in their time of grief or are just so distraught and angry that they are not capable of thinking straight.  But even when a baby or a young child dies, joy can be found.  Yes, it is so disheartening to lose a young child who has never had the chance to grow up, mature, be an asset to the family and to society, love, have a family and grow old to see their grandchildren and know that this child they have raised will do well.  But there are two sides to every coin and the flip side of this, although extremely hard to understand at the time, is that this baby or this child, while taken from earth early,  regardless of the circumstances, is now in the arms of a loving Father in heaven.  This is where the joy comes . . . that is when the parents have had time to stop and reflect on life and realize that they can rest assured that their child is in heaven.  The Father said we should be like little children who are sinless . . . these shall inherit the Kingdom.  When you actually stop and think about this, how many parents can actually say without a doubt that they know they have a child in heaven?   This is the joy in death.

            In like manner, we grow and become mature individuals through the guidance of our parents.  When we reach the age of accountability, it is then up to us to live a life appropriate to God’s word.  There are many people who think we are put here on this earth to live a life full of fun and frivolity . . .  the example they have set with their life has no purpose or value . . . their idea of life is that it is theirs to do with what they want and no one should interfere with their lifestyle.  This type of life generally ends up with an early demise whether it be from a life of drugs, alcohol, fast living or other untoward actions that cause one’s health to deteriorate to the point of death.  In such cases, there is no joy in death.  This individual has taken his part of time on earth and squandered it; he has only lived a life for his own personal gain, pleasure and desire.   He has probably never given thought to God or His word . . . until it was too late.  These people tend to think about God when they know they are dying and by that time, there is no hope for that individual.  His time has come and there is no longer any time remaining for repentance or a change in his life.  He will have to meet his God in the Day of Judgment with fear and trembling.  There is no joy in this death. 

            We also are aware of those individuals on this earth that somehow cannot deal with the life they are living, for whatever the reason.           They do not have a strong faith in God for such to even be considered.  God says He will take care of His children and those who follow His words and do His will are taken care of.  This does not mean they live in a million dollar house, drive expensive vehicles and live a life of the rich and famous; this simply means they have the necessities they need in life to live a normal and happy life while on this earth.   When you really think in depth about life here on earth, it is not for us but for God.  He created us, He put us here, He wants us all to go to heaven and He even gave His only begotten son to suffer a death no man should ever have to endure, so that we might live with Him in Heaven when our life here has ceased.  He paid the price for all of us.  His promise to us is that if we follow His word, we will have everlasting life with Him in heaven, and God ALWAYS keeps His promises.  But we have to keep up our end of the bargain too!  While in the case of a person taking his own life, I do realize there are always extenuating circumstances in such cases, but it is not the individual’s right to take his own life.   I realize there are times when things can get so hard that you don’t know which way to turn, but prayer is a very powerful tool and we need to pray to God each and every day, not just in time of need.  We need to pray in thanksgiving, for guidance in our life and especially when things seem to be in a downward spiral.  Suicide is the easy way out.  The individual who commits suicide is taking only his personal problems into consideration when this occurs.  There is no consideration of what he is doing to all those left behind.  There is a trail of sorrow and grief from family, relatives, friends, co-workers, teachers and others who have played a role in that person’s life.  There are questions about why he chose to end life . . . we ask ourselves, “Why did I not see this coming? . . . What, if anything, could I have done to prevent this?” . . . and the list could go on and on.   There is a tremendous amount of guilt placed on everyone who knew this individual; for years it puts an undue burden on everyone unnecessarily.  There is no joy in death here.

            Vehicle accidents occur with no rhyme or reason and results too frequently in an untimely death of a friend, relative or loved one.  So many of these “accidents” could have been prevented, especially when carelessness and fun overrule common sense and rationality.  People get carried away in their own pleasures, as in the case of drinking or partying with the involvement of drugs.  They give no thought to the lives they may be taking or maiming when driving in such a condition.  They are acting with an altered state of mind; they think they can do anything . . . especially driving . . . when they no longer have  the competency with which to deal with issues involved in  safe management of any type vehicle.  They care not about the consequences inflicted upon others as a result of their carelessness and recklessness.  So many times there are children, as well as adult lives, which are taken in such mishaps, causing strife and distress on others when this did not have to occur.  We are all so saddened for those who die under such circumstances, for those lives that were cut off immediately without warning, for those who never had the chance to fulfill their dreams, finish a career goal, love or have families.  There is such sadness in these tragic happenings when life is needlessly ended.   

            There are other incidents that occur in life as a result of numerous situations and circumstances.  Our firefighters and law officers are always putting their lives in jeopardy to save us . . . their lives are always on the line for others.  It is so disheartening when a policeman responds to a call for help and while performing his sworn duty, gets shot to death by some crack head high on dope, some gangbanger who is filled with hatred, or someone looking to gain favor or elevation by his peers for his misdeed.  So many of our firefighters, when helping others to escape, lose their lives when burning timber or other heavy debris hits them in a way that they are caught in the fire themselves.  This is especially painful to the family of the deceased when investigation reveals it was an arson fire . . . set by someone who thrills in the joy of seeing things burn . . . and by someone who has no concern over those who may die as a result of their “joy ride”.   This is such a sad commentary on humanity.  Our military personnel take on the job of protecting us so that we can remain living in a land where freedom of all forms is available day in and day out.  They know that their job may require the ultimate sacrifice at some point in time but they take on the job and do it extremely well.  They know they may never return to their home but the idea that they are keeping it free for their family, friends and others, makes their sacrifice seem worthy to them.  They too are dedicated to humanity’s survival.

            Life is taken in so many other ways, even simply in the natural death of an individual.  There are so many diseases and terminal illnesses that bring on death to the young and old alike.    Death is no respecter of persons; it stalks the earth for its prey as if it knows when this will occur.  Even though we may have a loved one that has lived a full life, when their time comes to depart this world, we are still shocked, saddened and distressed.  Death is a sad time for all of us . . . and no one will escape death.  In the case of a person who has suffered for a lengthy time frame and we know death is eminent; we are still shaken when death occurs.  We think we are prepared but all preparedness seems to go out the window when sadness and grief overcome us.  This is a natural response to the loss of any individual with whom we have had close ties.  We find ourselves going through the standard protocols relative to death and struggling to get through this time frame.  Yes, parting is such sad sorrow.

            Life seems to toss us to the wind at times such as this.  We find it difficult to keep our emotions under control.  We struggle with the thought that we will never see that person come through the door of our home again and our eyes swell with tears that threaten to spill over.  We know that we will be missing a place-setting at the table.  We know that we will no longer have the sharing of holidays throughout the year.  Sharing of conversation will be a thing of the past.  Laughter at each other’s jokes will no longer take place.  There will be no more smiles or special touching. You will no longer see the silly glimpse of a smile that tells you all is well with the world and both of you.  There will no longer be that someone sitting beside you when you go to church, a concert, ballgame, ballet or movie.  There will no longer be someone to open the doors ahead of you or walk on the outside of the street to protect you.  You will no longer have prayers together. And probably worst of all, you will no longer hear this individual say to you, “It will okay; I love you and we will get through this together” when things seem to be taking a downward spiral in your life.  Yes, life will be fraught without all these little things in life that bring joy to us all, the things money can’t buy but which make life such a pleasure day in and day out.

            My mother used to tell me “life is not always a bowl of peaches and cream” and this has been borne out so many times in my own personal life.  It is not easy to lose someone regardless of the manner in which they died.  But I have learned over the years that life and death are part of our world.  We cannot prevent death but we can learn to go on living our life.  It is never easy and it takes a long time to overcome such loss.  This is the norm for humanity . . . grief and tears are both a natural catharsis and help in closure for everyone.  Granted it takes varying times to overcome this as every individual is made up of a different character; people grieve differently and it just takes some longer than others to come to real grips with life without a loved one.  Nevertheless, sadly, there are also those who never seem to be able to get on with life.   Please understand when I say “coming to grips with life”, I do not mean forgetting the deceased; I mean that a person has managed to overcome his sorrow and pain and is trying to get on with life in general; no one can put a deceased person out of their life, nor should they.  There will always be those times and situations where memories of good times involving the deceased will come into play.  This simply means that you have come to a reality that this person is no longer here and that you can now handle memories or talking about this person on a higher level than you could have done so previously.  It is a difficult thing to do when losing someone, but this is also something we have to strive to do, mainly for our own self-preservation, if nothing else.  The departed one would, if he could, tell you to remember them always in your heart, but their love would further tell you that you have to go on with your remaining life as well. 

            God has blessed us with such a wonderful function called “memory.”  He knew all too well how sad our hearts would be with losing a loved one and that life would be dreary with such loss.  Perhaps He gave us memory to help us better be able to get on with life after a death.  He allows us to relive the good times with this person in that we can pull scenes from our memories for years and years to come.  We can share in these over and over again and help to stem the flow of tears.  We have pictures from times past that we can view over and over again.  These memories can flood the soul and soften the core of sorrow; it will help make life a little easier when our day is dark and dreary.  We also have the ever so powerful tool of prayer . . . we can go to God when in sadness and ask him to help us get through this time so that you can feel life is worth living.  We have no control over death but we can take control of our lives.  We can again enjoy friendships, outings, doing things we once used to love to do.  No, we will never forget those gone ahead of us, but we can eventually learn to live with such loss.  It takes a lot of “tincture of time” but it is possible.  Our loved one departed would be the first one to say to us, “Do not let my parting alter the rest of your life as this was just my time and this was His way.”

Written by Ruth Miller

©December 27, 2011